ode to that one substack friend

thanks ?

dear that one substack friend

i hate and love you both, and i think that the love may outshadow the hate for a very, very brief while.

you know exactly who and what you are, and i daresay you know exactly why i’m writing this little note to you right now.

the day that you came up to me and told me that you had found my blog, i got goosebumps down my skin. i knew that you could and would needlessly torture me with spells of random quoting from my blog articles, and you did not disappoint. you quoted endlessly and needlessly from every single thing i wrote, making me regret ever adding a blog to substack in the first place.

in retrospect, you were kind enough, i suppose, to not disclose my secret. you are also my staunch supporter through these trying times for my small little substack that struggles to maintain human decency as i topple over the garden wall.

this is both, in itself, a shoutout and also a roast to you. i love you and i also hate you, because we both know that you are obviously going to kill me after this with renditions of each and every word from this post.

i’d honestly love to undo every single moment that you tease me for, but again i am sort of appreciative to you for your support(?) and i know that you enjoy the opportunity to tease me. so, really, it’s more like you need to be grateful for the blackmail you could over my head.

take this article as the utmost revenge that i can enact upon you, by roasting you to all the readers of this tiny publication that somehow i haven’t quit quite yet. despite the fact that you can hold my deepest darkest secrets over me, i take comfort in the fact that i can roast you on my publication, and that we are the only people who will know about this.

take an example from my other substack friend, who never mentions my substack outside of substack. do take a hint from her, or else i will be feeding her all your food.

needless to say, i appreciate you all the while. your contributions make me regret my life decisions, but you are also one more subscriber, so i will gladly tune you out for the sake of my sanity. (i do not need constant reminders of how bad my writing is)

love (and threats),

your very annoyed blogger friend